Tag Archive | girls

Bad Boys Vs. Good Guys

Jul24

I remember a time when I loved me some bad boys.  I had this jacked up motto, “I don’t like good guys because they don’t have enough problems.  If they don’t have problems, I can’t help them so what’s the point in me being their girlfriend?”  That philosophy was flipped like a olypmic gymnast.

After bad boy number fifty-something, I got fed up with the problems.  Why?  Because eventually every problematic boyfriend I had, dumped me because of their problems [or I dumped him]!  Here’s some true life examples.

EXAMPLE # 1:  JACK THE POTHEAD

Jack was hot.  He was tall, carmel skin with a touch of vanilla and long dark hair.  He was Puerto Rican/Jamaican, mysterious and seductive.  I would see him on rare occasion during lunch, knowing that he was skipping class to be there.  Something else I knew about him:  he was the go-to guy for marijuana.  I wasn’t big on the drug, but it didn’t bother me that he sold/smoked it…until we started going out.

He’d go missing for a week, two weeks in a row then randomly appear at school again.  I felt like I was going out with a not-so-friendly version of Casper the ghost.  We went out for a month and during that time hung out only three times.  Finally, I called him on the phone to confront him about it:

“It’s either me or the weed.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t give it up.”

“So we’re over then?”

“Yeah.”

EXAMPLE # 2:  DACE THE TWOFACE

Dace rocked the whole wide raver jeans, tattoos and eyebrow ring.  The typical hot bad boy.  I was immediately drawn to him.  We became official two months after we started dating.  Suddenly, many bones were pouring out the closet.  He had the most issues than any guy I had before him, but I swore I would help him with my love and that he would eventually get better.  His alter ego, Aridon, wasn’t havin’ that.  Eventually, after three break-ups, I realized his unresolved issues were too much and couldn’t possibly coexist with a healthy and lasting relationship.  And this final relationship [before my wonderful husband] was the clincher.

I realized these problematic bad boys were bringing in heavy baggage, way too heavy for me to bear.  I realized the relationships weren’t healthy, but damaging.  I understood that all the tears I shed and battles I fought to try and “help” these guys simply gave me more baggage to bring into my next relationship.  That surely wasn’t fair for the good guy out there who I would someday marry.  When my heart was crushed beyond hopeful repair is when a good guy sounded pretty dang nice.  Thankfully, I called out to the best heart Surgeon in the industry (God) and he sowed up my tattered heart in less than a week.  But my goodness do I wish I got this sooner.  What heartache it would have spared me!

When I met my hubby, I was blown away.  He had more hotness than any bad boy I wasted time on before him, but he was a sweetheart!  He swept me off my feet with his romantic antics.  No bad boy before him ever took me out to a nice restaurant, spent more than a hundred bucks on me in a single event, went out of his way to bring me lunch, take me horseback riding on the beach.  If I would have known he was going to be the one, I would have turned away from any and every guy that caught my attention and simply waited till I met him.  So, I write this for you, bad boy lover.  Here’s some learned [and essential] truths:

BAD BOYS———————————-GOOD GUYS

Not the best romancers                         Typically very good romancers

Treat you like a possession                   Treat you like a princess

Want your body stat                                Will wait for access to your body

Not always respectful to parents        Always respectful to parents

Prideful                                                         Humble

Usually more aggressive attitudes      More on the gentle side

Problematic aka trouble makers         Problem solvers

                                                                          aka peacemakers          

Just living in the moment                       Preparing for the future

Thinking in just “my girl for now”      Thinking of long-term and/or

terms                                                               eventually marriage   

Can put your life in danger                     Places you in safety

Puts your heart on the edge                    Puts your heart at ease

Confused or tainted love                          Certain and pure love

Think you love bad boys?  Think again.

Break-ups and the road to healing

Jul20

I don’t need to explain break-ups or the heart-breaks they bring.  So let’s cut to the chase and talk about how we can get our broken-hearts mended again.

STEP ONE:  CRY OUT FOR HELP

     Sometimes, when we experience heart-break, we shut ourselves out from the world and lock ourselves inside a bubble of pain.  Doing this is potentially fatal.  If it doesn’t cause death in the literal sense it can cause death to other things:  certain aspects of your personality, your dreams, your desires, current friendships etc.  You have to cry out.  But don’t do so horizontally, cry out vertically.  When you’re down, the best place to look is up.  “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” (Psalm 34:18)  Test God if you doubt this.  I guarantee if you cry out to Him in the humbleness of your heart, He will answer.

STEP TWO:  GET SUPPORT

     Family is great, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.  Don’t surround yourself with “friends” that aren’t helping you grow.  When you’ve hung out with the same people for a couple of years and you’re still doing the same things, something is wrong.  They aren’t growing up and neither are you.  Some people you have to cut.  It doesn’t matter how much fun you have with them or how long you’ve known them.  This is about you growing for the better and getting healed.  Doing the same things isn’t going to change your situation.  You have to change your surroundings, the things that have influence on you, if you want change.   Pray about good friends being placed in your path.  People who will love you and invest time in you and care for you, pray with you, encourage and build you up, not keep you stagnant.  If opportunities arise, go for it.  If someone invites you to a church or home Bible study, go for it.  You never know what amazing friends you’ll meet.

STEP THREE:  STAY CONNECTED

     Once you’ve been blessed with the right people, stay connected to them.  Continue hanging out with them, talking to them on the phone, facebooking, whatever.  Just stay connected.

STEP FOUR:  NEVER LOOK BACK

     Don’t be surprised if after all this happens, or even when it starts to happen, your ex or whatever it was that broke your heart before the healing began, pops up again to say hello.  If it does, don’t look back.  Turn the other cheek and keep on walkin’ honey.  That ex will promise not to break your heart again, but don’t believe it.  Don’t even answer the phone!  If they’re persistent, CHANGE YOUR NUMBER.  Seriously, you cannot fall for that again.  Let your new support know if you’re finding it challenging to turn away from the past.  Allow them to help you and to remind you how far you’ve come and to not throw it away for another broken heart.  You’re worth more, remember that.  You’re a princess and you weren’t brought into this world to get your heart trampled on by men.  You were placed here to be loved and to love in return.  To love God first and foremost, and then to love people.  If you have a desire to also love and be loved by a man in specific, God will send Him your way when the time is right.  You don’t have to worry or carry around binoculars anymore.  God’s got ‘em.  Put Him first and watch how everything else falls into place.  A princess being carried in the chariot of the mightiest King, allowing Him to lead the way.  It’s a beautiful place to be.