Premarital sex Fornication.
The purpose of marriage is to exemplify Christ’s love relationship with His church, His people. The Bible refers to Christ as the “Bridegroom” and the church as “His bride.” This relationship is to be a representation of Christ’s faithfulness to us, His commitment to us and likewise ours to Him, His unconditional love and sacrifice for us, and our obedience and submission to His guidance.
“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church [q]in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.” -Ephesians 5:22-32
When you have sex outside of the holy covenant of marriage, you are being number one, unfaithful to God. You are disobeying His command because you are indulging in a body that has not yet been given to you by Him.
“Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.” -1 Corinthians 6:18-20
Only when you have committed your life to a person through marriage does God share their body with you.
“The husband must fulfill his [sexual] duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” -1 Corinthians 7:3-4
Notice it does not say, “The boyfriend must fulfill his sexual duty to his girlfriend and likewise the girlfriend to her boyfriend.” Only when husband and wife are you to submit your body to the other person.
There is no real accountable commitment in a relationship outside of marriage. You can move in with a guy and if things go sour, he can kick you out (I know several girls who have had this happen to them). You can cheat on your boyfriend or girlfriend, but in most cases you don’t have a family with this person so there’s not that extra pressure of hurting your entire family if you get caught. In a marriage it’s a lot harder to up and leave. You gotta go through courts, judges, lawyers, money. You have to end things with the person you committed your life to in front of loved ones and God Himself.
When you’re fornicating you’re not displaying unconditional love. Your love is clearly conditional: you have to have sex with this person. If your love wasn’t conditional, prove it by refraining from using this person for your sexual desires until after you’ve walked them down the aisle.
When having sex with this person before marriage there is no sacrifice. You are getting everything you want from this person: full access. There is no sacrifice on your part, no holding back. Sacrifice by pledging your life and signing it away to this person till death do you part, being held socially accountable by loved ones and God, and legally accountable by the government. That holds so much more weight and is such a bigger sacrifice because you literally have to pay to get out of it.
Christ laid His very life down. He gave everything for His bride. If you have not committed your life to another person through God’s covenant of marriage, yet are touching them sexually, you are not representing Him well, and are hurting Him, yourself, the other person, the other person’s future spouse, and your future spouse. You are acting unfaithfully and selfishly. Yes, these are powerful words, but I say them to you in love.
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” -Proverbs 27:6
So if you’re having sex outside of marriage, repent. Turn away from that. Confess to God and truly surrender your will and desires to Him. You won’t be chained now by His “rules” but rather, you will be free to walk as the prince or princess He created you to be. You’ll be free from guilt and shame, free from addiction, free to walk in self control and purity and right standing with God, and that dear friends, is more enjoyable and pleasurable than any orgasm you’ll ever have. And when the timing is right, and God blesses you with a spouse, your sex life will be all the more blessed by Him because you obeyed Him beforehand. He blesses obedience, but disobedience reaps many consequences–some you’ll have to live with your whole life. Do yourself, others, and God a favor by choosing to follow Him, by His strength and with His might.
“For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.” -Philippians 2:13
“I labor for this, striving with His strength that works powerfully in me.” -Colossians 1:29
If you’ve given your life to Jesus and asked Him to come into your heart, He has given you His Holy Spirit. His Spirit abides in you, and gives you the power to live out His commands (so you have no excuse). Depend and rely upon Him, not yourself, and you will be able to wait until marriage.
Much love to you, and please know your worth.