Archives

The Never-ending Battle between Spirit and Flesh

Aug13

Your conscience:  Don’t do it! You know this is wrong. 

Your body:  But it feels so good! You know you want to.

Your conscience:  You’re going to regret it.

Your body:  Just this once, I won’t do it again. 

And the winner is…

In the above situation, how many times has your body [flesh] won?  Be honest with yourself.  Okay, now that you’re being real, I will be too:  you’re not alone.  We women are extremely emotional beings.  In many circumstances, we lack just as much self-control as men, if not more.  We let our emotions run wild and our actions run right along with them.  You may not want to, but try and remember when you lost your virginity.  Did you question if you should?  Were you unsure as to whether is was right or wrong?  Did you ever find yourself making excuses as to why it was okay?  Or maybe it wasn’t planned;  how did you feel after the fact?  Did you regret it?  Did you question if it was the right thing to do?  I’m going to pause for a moment because I may be writing to a victimized woman.  If you were, none of these questions apply to you.  What that person did to you wasn’t your fault.  You are still valuable, you are still beautiful (“Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.”-Psalm 51:7)  Now, back to you ladies who chose to lose it:  if you answered yes to any of those questions, I’m speaking to you.

In most cases, if you lost your virginity, but now you’re with a different guy, you’re still having sex.  Maybe your mentality is, “Well, I already lost it so why stop now?” or “This guy is different” or “I feel loved when I do” or the pain of it not working out with the first guy you gave yourself to has you thinking carelessly e.g. “I’m not worth waiting for now.”  Let’s break it down:

1.)  ”I already lost it so why stop now?”

It’s proven scientifically that the more partners you have the less your brain secretes oxytocin (a chemical that causes a woman to want to bond more with her partner).  I.e., when you finally settle down and get married someday, the ability to bond with that special man is damaged.

Question:  Why do our own brains,  the most important muscle in our bodies, where all the decision making and thought processes come from, prohibit us from enjoying sex with more than one person?

There’s a book called, “For young women only” and in it they ask guys the questions we ladies want to know the most.  Here’s a survey question:

“If you and your partner move to a sexual relationship, even if you loved her, would you (or did you) ever find yourself wondering whether you could totally trust her?”

64% of guys said, “Yes, I would (or did) find myself wondering.” Only 36% said they didn’t.

Raise your hand if you like having trust issues in a relationship!

2.)  ”This guy is different.”

Question:  Did you ever think that about the guy you lost it to?

3.)  ”I feel loved when I do.”

Here’s another survey question from the book, “For young women only”:

“Whether or not you are currently involved with a girlfriend, if you were to be in a heavy make out situation with a willing partner who was not a long-term girlfriend, what would you primarily be feeling?”

Only 36% said, “How much I love her,” the other 64% said, “How good this feels.”

This is what one of the guys themselves said: “Girls use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex.”

One more survey question:  ”Does moving to a sexually active relationship mean that you want to marry this girl or make a significant life commitment to her?”

66% of guys said No.

4.)  ”I’m not worth waiting for now.”

This is the last thing I’ll quote from the book:

“I’d like to marry a virgin, but seeing purity of heart is most important to me.  Everyone makes mistakes…I just want to be some girl’s hero, even if she’s totally blown it. That’s how I want to treat my future wife.”

This guy is not impossible for you to have.  I have one and I know plenty other women who have ‘em too.  We’re not any better or more special than you.  How we got men who valued us and chose to wait for us and love us, despite our past, was because we came to the point where first and foremost, our love for God grew in a way where He was sufficient.  I don’t know what you think about God or what you’ve heard about Him, but He is the greatest Lover there is.  His love and passion for us runs so deep that He, if we want Him to, will pour His love on us so completely that we won’t need a guy to feel loved.  He’ll satisfy our heart’s deepest cry and then, just because we’ve let Him and grew to love Him in return, He hand-picks a guy and sets up a plan of meeting where we don’t even have to go on EHarmony to find him.  That’s what happened to me.  Don’t get me wrong, my husband is wonderful, I couldn’t even dream him up (although I did dream of him), but he does not hold a candle to the God who loved me first.  I pray with these blogs you will understand your value and worth, won’t settle for less and realize how much you’re loved, no matter where you’ve been or where you’re at now.  God bless,

Natasha

Got some toxic thoughts that are leading you to toxic behavior?

Jul27

So, the past two months or so have been rough.  I allowed some financial strains to get the better of me at times.  The disappointment I deflected onto my husband caused me to question for a moment if I was bipolar.  One moment I’d be nice, the next I’d get snappy.  I allowed some toxic thoughts to become toxic emotions that then turned into toxic attitudes which inevitably led to toxic behavior.  The Bible talks about, “taking every thought captive.”  I know now the amazing benefits of this notion when truly applied.  It may seem weird at first, because how many of us think, about our thoughts?  We just let it flow: the thought (stage one) creates an emotion (stage two), then an attitude (stage three), then a behavior (stage four) and nowhere in between that process do we think to stop it at stage one.  Only 5% of us realize the negative thought will lead to other negative outcomes and that it needs to be stopped.  But most of us ignore the rising smoke until it’s turned into a wild-fire.  And that, it what happened to me.

Yesterday my husband told me something in regards to our finances.  Automatically, I got a thought, an emotion and an attitude, and just acted.  One, two, three, boom.  Just like that [totally ignored the advice James gives in the Bible, “be quick to hear, SLOW to speak and SLOW to get angry.”  It wasn’t until the silence after our raised voices and the down-trodden demeanor on my husband’s face did I realize I shouldn’t have acted on my emotion which was created by my thought.  I’m quick to forgive and say sorry, but he left for work quiet and hurt.  Married women, if you are in the situation I was in yesterday, occasionally or regulary, you need to apply this principle.  And here’s the simplest way I believe to start.

After praying, I went to work.  Quite quickly, with my mindset being completely focused on my job, I was totally fine with a smile on my face as usual.  I had written a verse down, “God, create a clean heart for me and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Restore the joy of Your salvation to me, and give me a willing spirit.”  I looked over it a few times during the day and determined that when I got home, I would write my hubby a letter.  Not so much an apology, although I threw an “I’m sorry,” in there, but more importantly, a letter of support and encouragement, a letter letting him know, no matter what I said that morning, I honor and respect him.  He knows I love him, even in that moment of anger, but what he did feel, was that I disrespected him and didn’t believe in him.  Wives, wanna be on the fast-track to divorce?  Start making your man feel like you don’t respect who he is.  I’m not saying divorce is all our faults, but in most cases, the blame goes both ways.  But see, like my pastor said, the day before I hurt my husband, we wives have the power to completely build up our man and make him feel like Captain America, or the power to completely destroy him and make him feel dishonorably discharged.

I sat down and wrote him a letter, conjuring up the memories at to why I fell in love with him and all the things about him that make him great and man oh man did that spark a change in me (a good fire).  When I spoke to my husband after I got of a meeting it was like the fight earlier never even happened.  I asked him if he recieved the letter and he sure did.  He was very pleased and was like, “You really think that?” That night we had a nice time in the bedroom as well =)) and shared some good laughs and prayed together before we went to sleep. So, I HIGHLY suggest if you have been fighting with your husband to write him a respect letter. Ask nothing of him, simply tell him what you respect him for and what you’re thankful of from him.  Then, when he does something you’re not too pleased with, take that thought captive.  I already had to do that and my did it help.  It was interesting, it was like fighting myself:

“The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions.”-Galatians 5:17

But, if you’re, “directed by the Spirit,” you’re not obligated to do those evil and hurtful actions towards others.  Start crowding out the bad thoughts with good ones.  How do you do that?

“Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”-Philippians 4:8

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”-Romans 1:2

In other words, it may sound old school, but read your Bible.  I suggest reading a chapter of Proverbs a day and writing down one or two verses that really speak to you.  And definitly check out what Jesus says and how he thinks and acts.  Talk about the perfect role-model and positive thinker.  He was called “Teacher” for a reason.  But even deeper than that, if you have only known Jesus as just that, simply a teacher, I suggest you cry out to Him and ask Him to be who He wants to be in your life.  With a simple invatation, He will change your world and the worlds around you.  This whole controlling your thoughts thing isn’t easy.  You need divine help.  But, like the religious leaders back then said to Jesus, “We know you are not a respecter of persons,” he really doesn’t care who you are, where you’ve been, or what you’re doing now, all He cares about is loving and wooing you.  Give Him a try and I promise, no matter how dark your world looks now, He will make it brighter than ever before.  God bless.

Ladies: Close your legs

Jun22

Alright, that’s a pretty blunt topic title, but, I’m totally serious.  There’ s like this epidemic going on where girls are losing it at younger and younger ages and living with guys who aren’t even committed to them.  Yes, ladies, if you’re living with a “boyfriend” rather than a husband, there isn’t much commitment on his part.  Think about it: if he wants to break up with you tomorrow and he pays for the place, he can just kick you out.  Ask my sister’s friend.  I won’t put her name out there, but that happened to her a few months ago and she had nowhere to go because her parents lived in another state.  Now she lives with them again because after getting back with the boy, he punched her in the face and gave her a black eye.  Not to say your boyfriend would do that, but the point is when you’re dating, the commitment isn’t as binding as when there’s papers attached. 

Some  of you may be saying, “Well, I’m not really ready for marriage, so I don’t mind having a boyfriend.”  Okay, but if you’re living with your boyfriend, how can you say you’re not ready for marriage?  You’re basically doing what married people do, but again, without the commitment. 

Some people think living together is “good practice” but really, if you look at statistics, it’s terrible practice. 

  • Just over 50% of first cohabiting couples ever get married.

That means almost half of the people who live together don’t end up getting married. 

  • In the United States and in the UK, couples who live together are at a greater risk for divorce than non-cohabiting couples.
  • The U.S. Justice Department found that women are 62 times more likely to be assaulted by a live-in boyfriend than by a husband
  • Cohabiting women have rates of depression 3 times higher than married women
  • Couples who lived together before marriage tend to divorce early in their marriage.
  • Within five years from the beginning of a cohabitation relationship more than half of these relationships will end even if the couple had married during that time
  • 57% of cohabiting couples dissolve within ten years when compared with  30% of all first marriages
  • Cohabiting couples have a rate of separation that is five times that of married couples, and, in the event of separation, cohabitors have a rate of reconciliation that is only 33 percent as high as that of married couple

Let’s highlight a few things:  Women that live with their boyfriends are 62 TIMES more likely to be assaulted by their boyfriend than if they had a husband.  That’s a pretty drastic estimate.  Again, my sister’s friend did get beat up by her boyfriend.  I watched this youtube video of this woman talking about her many failed relationships where she lived with guys who ended up abusing her.  Look, if the stats say so, why not just be careful and live by yourself or with a girl friend? 

Alright, cohabitating women have rates of depression 3 times higher than married women.  I’m sure there’s a number of reasons why these women become depressed, but I’m positive one of them has to do with the desire of someday being married.   I met this girl who lived at the Trump in Sunny Isles with her boyfriend.  They had been together for 11 years or something and she was still waiting for him to propose. Once she expressed this in front of him and behind her back he made a face like, “Psh, that’s not happening anytime soon.”  I wanted to throw him under the bus, but I was working and decided to pray for her instead.  I ended up finding her crying hysterically one day by the pool and she told me she caught him cheating on her. 

Last time I checked, she was still with him and he still hadn’t proposed.

Now all this to say, I want women everywhere to know they DON’T HAVE TO SELL THEMSELVES SHORT!  They don’t have to compromise.  That’s a total lie and what some guys want you to believe so they can use and abuse you because they’re thinking with their penis and their hearts are filled with lust. 

I hear many girls say, “Well, where are all the good guys?  They’re so hard to find.”  Well, if you’ve been snagging guys in clubs, I can imagine  they’re hard to come by.  But really, you shouldn’t even be looking.  You don’t have to.  That’s what I finally realized after boyfriend number 50 something.  Besides, searching is exhausting!  Dating takes a serious toll. 

Here’s a secret:  if you have a desire to get married someday, God probably put it there and there is a “one” out there for you, but you both have to first become the one.  It’s a process.  You’re not supposed to be with that person before either of you are ready.  And here’s the thing:  dating other people before you finally encounter that person, isn’t molding you for them, it’s causing you to bring more baggage into the relationship you were created to be in.  Which sucks for them and for you. 

Single isn’t bad, when you have the right focus.  If you’re focused on being single, it’s going to drag.  But, if you focus on something better than being in a relationship, you’ll be fine.

For me, it was God.

I was finally single and ecstatic because I knew how much this Jesus loved me and He was revealing Himself to me like never before.

It all started with a cry out to Him and the decision to finally put Him first.

See, before God, guys were my god.  Well, one guy in particular, my ex Dace.

He didn’t make me feel like how God did.  He would hurt me, disappoint me.  God never did.  So I was on cloud nine and even after meeting my wonderful husband, he doesn’t compare to God. 

But, that’s up to you find out.